The Guilt Gap

The guilt gap

For many people I work with, leadership guilt is a constant undercurrent that flows through their days.

• You block time to think and feel guilty for not being “busy.”

• You spend important time on external relations, only to feel like you're not supporting the team.

• You have a good, strategic day and feel bad because it was enjoyable.

• You want to delegate but worry about burdening your team.

So, you default back to doing work you shouldn’t be doing anymore, because at least it feels productive. Emails, meetings and operational matters are not only habitual, but also slightly addictive thanks to the nice little boost that comes from ticking them off your list.

Busy work feels legitimate, whereas strategic work feels like something to be earned.

Stephen Bartlett (Diary of a CEO) recently wrote about his own challenges with guilt and proposed that most leaders are operating with an unspoken assumption that every part of their life needs 100% of them. Team. Strategy. Board. Family. Health.

I agree. Most CEOs and executives I work with hold themselves to impossible standards and beat themselves up when they don't attain them.

The guilt you’re carrying is proof that you care, but comes at the cost of your inner peace.

Bartlett has a name for the gap between what people and commitments in your life actually need from you and what you've convinced yourself they need. He calls it the 'Guilt Gap'.

Bartlet suggests that instead of aiming for 100% in everything, try determining the 'enough number' - that which each person and commitment in your life actually need to feel valued, connected and supported.

👉In practical terms, try asking yourself, 'What's enough from me right now'? 'What does my team need from me most this week'? 'What's the one big thing to progress today'?

👉 If someone described your last few months from the outside - the decisions you've made, the people you've led, the problems you've navigated, what would they say? Probably that you're doing more than you give yourself credit for.

Do you have other strategies for letting go of guilt?